Relationship 101? Is she for real?
I’m afraid SHE is. LOL. Welcome to my ramblings. Blame all this on sitting on the train for an hour thinking about the stuff people ask me. I’m no counselor. I’m no doctor. I’m not even a therapist.
So how could a girl who loves to write know anything about relationships? Well, it’s very possible that I don’t. Hah! Joke’s on you. But maybe, just maybe, I can tell you something that could help. Because while my author persona lives in the stories she writes and the happily ever afters she loves, the other me lives on firm ground.
I often get asked questions by women about relationships and how they know if one is worth the risk. My first thoughts are: What do you dislike about him? How well do you handle pressure? And my all time favorite: Are you willing to give in?
I will discuss some things with you using the word him often because I am speaking to those women who ask me about relationship, but this can apply to a guy as well.
A lot of people will speak wonderful things about relationships and marriage. But others… will grab you by the forearms look at you dead in the eyes and whisper “GET. OUT. NOW!” Fun right?
If you’re one of my close friends, you’ve heard me give you the GET OUT NOW bit. But reality is: I am a dedicated person. If I say for better or worse, you better believe my ass will be there when shit hits the fan. But not everyone thinks like me. Which is why I have given those who ask the detailed explanations on my 3 questions posted above. Let’s discuss my three questions.
What do you dislike about him?
Admit it. We all have something or a lot of somethings we wish the person we are in a relationship with would cut out. Is he cheap? Is he a pig? Is he lazy in bed? Whatever you dislike, think long and hard. He’s so hot, but… whatever is after that but will be trouble. TRUST ME. I tell people all the time but they think I’m being funny! I don’t know why. ‘Oh Milly! You so silly. You’re married and you’re giving me all this anti-marriage advice’. It is not anti-marriage. OK, sometimes it is. Especially is my hubs has pissed me off recently. Which can happen often. But anyway, what I am trying to do is help you realize that it will not be peaches and cream. And the sooner you go in with your combat gear ready for battle to take the world on next to your partner, the smoother your journey together will be. That area is what will grow to piss you off to no end until you either break up, or burst a blood vessel in frustration…or, here’s a crazy thought, you can just learn to live with it.
How well do you handle pressure?
Do you fold when things get rough? Do you get angry? Do you run? Not everyone can handle critical situations. Relationships are not easy. And if someone tells you they are, know this: that person is lying. Shit happens to people every single day. How strong you stand, as an individual and a couple, determines how much more your commitment will grow. I tend to be very laid back with things, because I have gone through so many difficult things in life, that nothing fazes me anymore. But not everyone has my life experiences. Remember that relationships go through rough times, but running away from the problem will only put you in a different zip code and the problem will still exist. And rule number one: Always remember that whatever you’re going through? There are others going through much worse!
Are you willing to give in?
Relationships are not a contest of who is right and who is wrong. But when in doubt, she’s right. Lol. I kid, I swear. A lot of debates between couples are caused by question #1. If you’re in a disagreement, figure out a way to work things out without escalating the situation. I am guilty of being one of those people to visualize bashing a certain someone’s head in when he doesn’t listen and I KNOW I’m right. Or if he is stuck on stupidity. But will that solve anything? OK, you might say it will at least make ME feel better, but that won’t fix the problem at hand. It’s easy to place blame and get angry. Focus on solutions.
You need to understand something right now. The person you are with will not (I repeat: WILL NOT) change for anyone but themselves. Change is a choice. You won’t fix him. You won’t change him. BUT if he loves you enough and knows something is hurting the relationship, he has the power to make the change needed. I like to tell people to look at their partners. Can you accept them exactly as they are without changing a thing? If so, you are golden. But most cases it’s: he/she needs to stop so and so. Accept them for who they are, as they are, and demand the same. Change may never happen and if you’re okay with that, the battle for relationship endurance is already half won.
A great relationship isn’t about having the perfect person, it’s about finding an imperfect person that’s just right for you.
I think the most important ingredient in a successful relationship is COMMUNICATION. Also to learn to give and take. Hubby has a few little things that used to drive up me the wall, but I realized that they are small in the big picture. He puts up with my quirks too :D
Also to learn each other strengths and deferring to each other makes for a strong partnership.